The Struggle

While I was blind, I made a promise that I would not grow weary of leading my wife in morning devotions, of consistently being the Spiritual Leader in our home, giving her proper attention, and of being more consistent in my overall walk. I thought nothing would shake me from that, but I find that, only one month after gaining vision my attitude often sinks back into the pre-blind arrogance of my past!

When I was helpless, I made many promises; and I was (and am!) sincere in these promises! It is not that I am slipping into some tortured existence without God, but I find myself listening to the siren song of 'busyness' that calls from work, and church and even from this machine on which I type! When I made the promises, I had no doubt that I had changed, and I have, but sad to say, I still have that old man creeping in and bowing up on me!

With all of that being said -- I am reminded of Paul's words -- Romans 7:15ff - I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.

Now, it is not that work, or busyness at church etc. is necessarily sin, but in my case, it can lead to sin -- I find myself neglecting things that ought not be neglected, and I can find myself sinking into worldly thoughts and actions.

Many in the modern evangelical world people believe, (although they may not necessarily word it this way), that Jesus died for all their sins UP TO their conversion, but from there on out, they must maintain their own sin balance. So, in some circles, when one sins, they MUST start 'all over again' as it were. Yes, a repentant heart is part of being a Christian, but Christ died for ALL my sins -- past, present, and future. This should not make one cavalier about their salvation, rather it should humble us.

I am humbled. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!